Let’s be bold enough to be who God created us to be.  There’s only one of you and one of a kinds are much more valuable!

“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as
the Lord forgave you.”  Colossians 3:13

Yep, you read the title correctly… I didn’t want to forgive the person who hurt me.  I thought I did.  In fact, I begged God to help me forgive them and let it go.  I didn’t like the way the bitterness of unforgiveness tasted in my life and I didn’t like the distance that it caused between God and I.  I asked God,

“Why am I having such a hard time healing from this?”

After all, if you read my last post, “Forgiveness isn’t always a one time decision,” you know I thought it should be a piece of cake.  Well let me warn you right now, don’t ever ask God for an answer if you don’t want to hear what He has to say because He will answer you.  My answer came while I was reading my Bible (amazing what you learn when you actually make time for God, huh?).   I thought I was safe because I wasn’t even reading about forgiveness.  I was reading in John chapter 5 about the paralytic by the healing waters of Bethesda.  When Jesus asked the man “do you want to be made well,” it was if He was speaking directly to me.  I thought, “Of course I do, that’s what I’ve been praying for.”

But when I sat still and listened to what God was telling me, I realized I really didn’t want to be healed.  I was like the proverbial monkey that sticks his hand in a small hole to retrieve a piece of fruit and remains trapped because he’s unwilling to release his grip.  I wanted the benefits that come with forgiving someone; a restored relationship with Christ and to be free of that icky feeling that hangs around, but I didn’t want to let go so I remained stuck.  So, then came my next question,

Why won’t I let it go and forgive?

Guess what?  That answer came while I was reading my Bible again a few days later.  This time it was Luke 17:3-5, “If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them.  Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.  The apostles said to the Lord, ‘Increase our faith!’  I have never noticed the connection between these two verses but God made sure I did that day.  When told they should forgive someone over and over, the apostles said, “Lord, increase our faith.”  We need faith to forgive!

Why wasn’t I trusting God with this situation?

The answer was an ugly one.  I was afraid God would let them get away with how they’d treated me.  They had hurt me and I wanted justice.  I’m not sure what I expect God to do…turn them into a pillar of salt? Smote them?  Cause them to stump their toe in the middle of the night and tell them, “booyah, that was for Kathy?”  I don’t even know what it means to be smoted but it doesn’t sound good at all!  I sure don’t want to be smoted when I mess up but I was perfectly fine with it happening to them.  Told you the truth was ugly.
That ugly truth made me ugly on the inside for a while.  Like I said in my last post, healing took time.  It took allowing God to change me.  I had to focus on the log in my own eye rather than glaring at the other person.  I don’t care much about seeking justice any more.  I’ve realized I’m not a very good judge and I’ve got too much of my own stuff to work on to worry about what God is doing with someone else.  Plus, I finally realized it’s none of my business.  God is good to me.  I’ve been forgiven far more than I could ever deserve. I need every ounce of grace God freely extends my way and so do they.

P.S. – I looked up the word “smote,” and it means to strike or hit hard with the hand, a stick, or other weapon.  And the past tense is “smit,” but I don’t like that as much and since it’s my blog, I’m leaving it as “smoted.”

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:31-32

I’ve never thought of myself as being an unforgiving person.  In fact, I’ve forgiven something so horrible I thought any future wrongs would be a piece of cake to forgive.  You know, like once you’ve climbed Everest, walking up the hill at the entrance to your neighborhood shouldn’t be a big deal.

So, why was this particular hill such a big deal?

1. I was still on the hill.  I’ve learned it’s one thing to forgive a
   past hurt and a whole other story to forgive in the middle of the hurt.
2. They weren’t sorry.  Not one little bit.  But that’s fine, we forgive because that’s what our Daddy tells us to do. And our Daddy tells us to forgive because that’s what’s best for us.  You’ve heard it, you know it…unforgiveness eats you up but does nothing to the other person.
3. I may have taken a few (dozen) pity-party stops along the way which made the journey take longer than
   necessary.  I’m learning this is a complete waste of time and the sooner I can put on my big girl undies and
   take God by the hand, the sooner we can get to the good stuff.
4. I needed time…and that’s okay!  Time truly does heal and with that healing comes perspective.

Growing up, I both loathed and loved my summer camp’s annual climb to the top of a nearby mountain.  The climb was difficult at times and made up of unsure steps and usually a fall or two.  Probably the worst part was not being able to see an end in sight until you emerged at the top of the tree line.  But when you finally made it to the top, you could look back, see how far you’d come and know it was worth it!

Thankfully, this situation ended much the same way.  I was able to forgive and more than that, I grew in the process.  I know it’s hard to believe, but I actually had things I needed to work on and this helped me see that.  Forgiveness isn’t always a one time decision, especially in an ongoing situation.  Sometimes, it’s a process you simply have to take step by step with God until you can look back and know it was worth it.  I would never have chosen to be hurt and never have willingly put myself in an uncomfortable situation but when I look back on how much I’ve grown, I’m almost thankful the person hurt me.  Seriously!

Unfortunately, we are all going to have hills we have to climb, all have hurts to forgive.   But when we do it with God, it’s doable.  It’s true…”God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”  Romans 8:28

The last two posts have discussed why it’s a bad idea to be led by our emotions and why it’s so hard not to be. Parts 1 and 2 are on the right side of the page if you would like to read them.

Honestly, emotions have cost me quite a lot through the years; relationships, tears, integrity, sleepless nights and most of all, peace. I’ve often wished I could just flip a switch and turn them off forever but nope, they are as constant as the color of my eyes.

Why, oh why would God give us emotions if they are capable of causing us so much trouble?  Genesis 1:27 says that we are created in His image so that means God has emotions too.

• Anger – Psalm 7:11, Ezra 5:13, Exodus 22:24, Deuteronomy 9:22, Romans 1:18
• Laughter – Psalm 2:4 & 37:13,  Proverbs 1:26  (I can’t wait to hear God laugh!
• Compassion – Psalm 103:13 & 135:14, Ezekiel 33:19
• Grief – Genesis 6:6, Psalm 78:40, Isaiah 68:10
• Love – Jeremiah 31:3, John 3:16, 1 John 4:8
• Jealousy – Exodus 20:5 & 34:14, Joshua 24:19
• Joy – Jeremiah 32:41, Zephaniah 3:17, Isaiah 62:5

Isn’t it comforting to know that our King not only knows WHAT we are feeling but HOW we are feeling as well?  That’s what makes Him relatable which enables us to have a trusting relationship with Him.  Emotions are also what make us relatable to others we need to reach for Christ.  Our sympathy leads to forgiveness, our compassion to giving, our love to sharing Jesus, our anger to seeking change, our grief to the comforting arms of our Father.

Emotions are good, they just weren’t created to be in charge!

As much trouble as I’ve gotten myself into by not controlling my emotions, I have to admit that life would be pretty bland without them.  Think of what it must have been like when TV switched from black and white to Technicolor!  Yowzers (that’s what I imagine people would have said back then)!  Feelings make life more colorful and lively.  With anger, sadness and loneliness, you also get laughing so hard you can’t breathe, the tingle of holding your husband’s hand and tears of joy when you hear “mama” for the first time. It’s worth it!

Emotions are a gift from God.  They are good, but like other gifts from the Lord, Satan tries to twist them into something that can cause us harm.  We’ve let him get away with that for far too long.  It’s time we took back control of our emotions.  They don’t need to be the star of the show, just the Technicolor icing on top!

The next post will look at ways we can put emotions in their place.  Please, please, please message me, email me, call me, smoke signal me with your ideas…I need your input!

1. They
   are our constant and earliest companion. 
   Our emotions are with us every second of every day, everywhere we
   go which makes them a little difficult to ignore.
2. They
   are LOUD little things!  Feelings can be incredibly strong and
   run deep which also makes them hard to ignore.
3. Even
   though they often lie or make situations seem larger than life, they seem
   genuine and justified at the time. 
   The old adage to “just sleep on it” comes in handy
   here.  It’s amazing what a difference
   a day makes.
4. They
   demand urgency, convincing you something must be done right away or you
   will fall over dead from the unaddressed injustice.  Once again, “just sleep on it”
   sounds like words of a genius who’s been there, done that.  We seldom make wise decisions or choose
   wise words when acting out of a sense of urgency.
5. Emotions
   are a habit.  If you’re like me,
   you’ve let emotions manage you instead of you managing them for as long as
   you can remember.  They aren’t going
   to relinquish their control over night. 
   You’ve got to replace the bad habit with a new one by repeatedly
   choosing to be led by God instead.

1. fights
   with friends and family
2. needless
   worry (all worry is needless.  See
   Matthew 6:25-27)
3. a
   constant roller coaster that’s not fun
4. magnified
   insecurities
5. drama,
   drama, drama

“We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ,”  2 Corinthians 10:5

• our
  circumstances
• who we
  are around and their attitudes
• how
  much rest we’ve been getting or not getting
• our
  insecurities
• hormones
• other’s
  opinions of us
• how we
  feel physically
• how
  much time we’ve spent with God                    

• emotions
  can convince you a friend is angry with you when really, they are just
  having a bad day and it has nothing to do with you
• they
  say you aren’t good enough, aren’t liked or accepted when nothing could be
  further from the truth
• they
  convince you someone was talking bad about you when you entered the room
  when they were actually saying how much they love your outfit
• they
  whisper that things will never get any better and that you can’t change
  when God’s word clearly offers hope to the contrary

We’ll tackle that question tomorrow but until then,
I’d love to hear your thoughts, ideas and struggles with emotions. I could use
all the insight you are willing to pass along.